Veneration of the Dead

by Roger Daavies

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about

a pedantic assembly of auditory art comprised of improvisation and spoken-word poetry, recorded with one microphone placed in a couch

please don't hate me

credits

released July 17, 2016

my mom

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Roger Daavies San Luis Obispo, California

ex-Ravenclaw sad guy with a distorted bass

contact / help

Contact Roger Daavies

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Track Name: after washing and wishing...
After washing and wishing I could keep my mouth closed we pulled out the mattress from the folding couch
A last apology left me sleepily descending into a distant dream
She saw me off in the morning on my way to passing scenery of varying beauty
The painted window reflection here-formulated demonstrating mistakes I made

Like you ya your own ideas
Ya you got your own ideas that I don't
What I thought you coulda done
I would've gone (I've got no patience for this)
(God I'm so pissed)
Had I known
You got someone else
I got you oh you oh you ya you
I say fuck you
Cause I won't fuck you (I won't call you)
Like you wanted me to

God it feels good to be free
(God you're really fucking pretty)
Got it good got it good here
(And your eyes are cold like ice
You look at me
That look that pierces like knives

Knives Chau, will you ever come back somehow?)
Track Name: birdwatcher
I had to have been struck by the sight of her feathers
The moment I met her perched up on her branch
Peering down upon the flightless peasants
Peering back through opalescent binoculars.

We bird watchers take part in the art of observance,
And this one blue jay has hung around for a good stay,
Picking at crumbs and pecking at cracks in concrete.
Oh how I am infatuated by her discrete motions.

For my want to reach out and stroke her silky,
I am remiss to rethink my persuasion so brash.
It's a silly thought that this beautiful creature of nature
Could see me like her; appreciate the simplest features.

This could be my curse and the worst part
Is never holding you, blue jay, strawberry fairy,
Singing like the sister canary atop flowery stems.
Between you and me, this moment is that which my life depends on.
Track Name: it's been a long time
Well it's been a long time since I cared or gave a fuck to write anything and it could be a while til I do again, but while I'm here I might as well get into stuff.
It's not so great doing nothing and feeling nothing, existing under a layer of ice. I preoccupy myself and that gets me by but a lot of the time I'm angry or discontented from placating my aspirations and inspiration.
My mind is a weight my heart carries through my days, a trick taught to suppress my dreariness and frustrated, constructed isolation. Bringing myself to every mandatory meeting and barely making it back to wait is how I spend time-fully unsatisfied and fake.
I wish I could be the person I mean to be.
I want to find a face with eyes that will pull all of the past out of mine. A mouth to make amends for everything that has happened.
Track Name: lips close to mine
Lips to close mine and extract the imperfections that have piled up.
There I hope to find arms also that can hold me and my bad habits and squeeze me until they pop.
That is too much to ask for. I know it. I probably need to stop simplifying my solutions and saving face, giving lies for answers that sum up what I think is the right thing.
I am trying to seem together. Like an attempt at braiding the strands of self I have realized into some mottled hair do of appearances. Why not let it be free? Why must I try to be? It's rough but these questions just don't help. I don't want anymore help. I want to mean more to myself. I want to be alone for a long time and survive. I must survive. It's the only way. Maybe I'll find a way to be that I am proud of. Or maybe I'll stay this way, an unseemly sketch of self importance that was never revised.
This is my life. Right now at least.
Track Name: coming over for the first time
Coming over for the first time
Since its been so long
Every punk understands
Every poorly written song

Putting up a wall where the wind gets in
It's simple as hate and love
A fresh view from the top of our house
Let's us look at the black above

Pieces fall through the floor
Oh how I adore
You give it to me
I walk out the door
Family hold me
Sister knowing
My problems always
Starting stopping
Growing in grass
Pool filled by pop
Strong and silly
I walk on the top

Bought a brand new name
With cigarette currency
It's not the same
In dirty money

Tops of trees
Saw the sun rising
Every morning
Tomorrow waiting
Pants put on
Same old dawn
Midnight dreams
The fight is on
Track Name: saw her
Must I forge this image?
Her soft style is the face of God.
How could I do much justice
When I am not the judge she deserves?

This shrine only yields,
Only feels like a false attempt.
Each smudge may hold me.
Every hue will embitter my emotions.

I looked upon a fair and beauteous form.
It exists only for my memory.
I must attempt to remember
How I once saw her.
Track Name: Richfield, UT
I couldn't tell a joke
When your car broke down
From a downshifted clutch
And you're crying now

You walked through neighborhoods
With neighing ponies
Decrepit homes
And called up ur homies

Your laughter spun around
Like a tether ball
Today I'd let you win
Though you're not so tall

There's some parallel
Universe
Where I'm kissing you
In Richfield Fir sure

Na na na na na na
I'm waiting for u
You're feeling so blue

Na na na na na na
Remember what you saw
In Richfield Utah

A horse a house dead jacuzzi mouse

Send my regards
To your friend J9
Try to remember
That you're doing fine

Cause for all your luck
And all your tears
There's a star in the sky
Thatll bring you back here

And I'll be waiting with snacks
Track Name: silver nose ring thing
You've got Sriracha a dangling
Stuck on that silver nose ring thing
You know that Im always watching
I'll get it as soon as I'm done singing

Maybe I'll get it with my nostril
And while I'm there dig up some fossils
Break my leg and go to the hospital
Kiss you if it might be possible

That was just a little joke
About my leg that I never broke
Don't you think that I'm a clever bloke?
Cause so far I haven't really choked
Track Name: into the ground
When my grandma died
I didn't cry, just told you about it.
It was something.
So I shared it.

At her funeral, I got teary.
I wished you were there.
Are we there?

You were enjoying your day.
I wanted you to contact me.
I was hopeless.
You were something else.

She went into the ground
With all of the stories
About chocolate sewing friendship
And we said goodbye and dropped dirt on her box of ashes.

My father left a rose
We bought on the way there.
Our family felt closer
Though some of us weren't there.

Do you care?
Track Name: decision to stay
She made a decision to stay and changed our plans
I was pretty excited for our trip but it all fell apart
She was going to accompany me home for eye surgery
I would've showed her my home and my high school
The places I grew up and the beaches from past summers
It was such a bummer and my emotions stewed while I stalled
Frustration turned into indecision about my departure
But I sat and played guitar and worked on painting a picture
Dwindling time took me to her house where I could walk to the train when morning time came
It was a mistake
I should have kept that werewolf locked inside for the night
Unleashing myself on her wasn't right and I knew it right away
Up into her room we quietly fell onto the couch
I was beside myself with disdain for her positive humor
I needed silence and cultivated it until it needed trimming
She gave me apologies and I couldnt respond to her thoughts adequately
She was pulled two ways by obligations and a new occupation
She was an imminent interviewee
I was the surly bastard I hate
And then she touched my leg
It in earnest but I turned it away with my unfeeling voice
My words turned her upside down and I wished I could reel them in
Unfortunately they were cast and her gaze fell, her heart downcast
I had surpassed my allotted limit of pissant assertions
Stifling seriousness surrounded my contempt at the creature I allowed to crawl from the pit of my soul
Mingled silence and audible self loathing filled a half hour
The fire fed itself until fuel was expended and I fell asleep
Track Name: bent giraffe necks
Hung from the crossbeam like bent giraffe necks
Strings pull on the piece of paper folded like a face
Smiles are exercised and exorcised in crumpled creases
Stiff to the touch to your soft lotion finger

Remember your team of dream doctors poking
Stabbing with their educations at your palpitations
Your heart hung from the crossbeam beating bloodless
Sobbing tears trickling in haphazard formations
Track Name: **** my feelings
Fuck my feelings
They are unfounded
Boring
Creeping ivy

Controls the tree
My mind
Doesn't flower
Suffocating

Thorns grow thick
Puncturing
While Strangling thoughts
Won't go

They Absorb the sun
Leading me
Out of control
the soul sags.
Track Name: kiss me on the clock
Get this: you're an actress
Suppose we have a purpose
Give me eyes like arrows
And Such noxious pheromones

Touch my hand over the cash drawer
But I'm Needing much much more
Heavy lungs can counterweight
A Buoyant mind that cannot wait

We steep all of our longings
In the kitchens back room setting
I just want to talk
Want to kiss you on the clock

Peering over stoves
Keeping my hand close
Affecting some loose memories
But she already knows

already sees
Something in me
We've got this
Perfect energy

Take today off
It's a bad cough
Give me disease
Kiss me off the clock
Track Name: i'll get your high-fives
Go for par my dear
The flag ain't too far from
Ooo that bad goatee gloater
Mocking from that upper tier!

Just swing with ur instincts
*Chop chop floop plop*
Have you no imagination?
Then I turned my head like WHOP

Moldy underwear walk
Holding tan sweaty summer hands.
Forget that last dude!
I'll get your high fives. Damn.

Tattle tale titillation. Ooo.
Touching-My turn!
Passionately vomiting on me.
Drawstring straps sunburn.

So we threw a pizza party for three
In your faint vegan hummus dream.
Veggie sauce so so saucy
Dripping down your cutey cheeks.
Track Name: that hat you took
You know that hat you took?
It looked so good on your blonde head.
I wanted to scream at the customers to
Leave it exactly where it was.

But you gave it back.
Track Name: distract you
Ideally this wouldn't be about thee
Sadly I can't comply you see.
So I'll talk about something silly
To Distract you from the feelings.

How bout boobies, not birdies,
Jostled jiggling wiggly higgledy
Piggly til the climactic popping.
Erotic giggling while I'm finishing

Are you happy? it was for you
I think for you if even take a poo
Wherever you'd like me to
Something for no one else I'd do.

Ghastly shadows moving
Images of our plowing forms
More delicate than an electric storm
Creeping up your legs til you beg for more.

I'll oblige your moaning cry
Track Name: decision to stay reprise
She made a decision to stay and changed our plans
I was pretty excited for our trip but it all fell apart
She was going to accompany me home for eye surgery
I would've showed her my home and my high school
The places I grew up and the beaches from past summers
It was such a bummer and my emotions stewed while I stalled
Frustration turned into indecision about my departure
But I sat and played guitar and worked on painting a picture
Dwindling time took me to her house where I could walk to the train when morning time came
It was a mistake
I should have kept that werewolf locked inside for the night
Unleashing myself on her wasn't right and I knew it right away
Up into her room we quietly fell onto the couch
I was beside myself with disdain for her positive humor
I needed silence and cultivated it until it needed trimming
She gave me apologies and I couldnt respond to her thoughts adequately
She was pulled two ways by obligations and a new occupation
She was an imminent interviewee
I was the surly bastard I hate
And then she touched my leg
It in earnest but I turned it away with my unfeeling voice
My words turned her upside down and I wished I could reel them in
Unfortunately they were cast and her gaze fell, her heart downcast
I had surpassed my allotted limit of pissant assertions
Stifling seriousness surrounded my contempt at the creature I allowed to crawl from the pit of my soul
Mingled silence and audible self loathing filled a half hour
The fire fed itself until fuel was expended and I fell asleep
She needed a shower so we felt each other's bodies and fornicated
After washing and wishing I could keep my mouth closed we pulled out the mattress from the folding couch
A last apology left me sleepily descending into a distant dream
She saw me off in the morning on my way to passing scenery of varying beauty
The painted window reflection here-formulated demonstrating mistakes I made